Awe…our emotions. Isn’t it interesting that when we sit and reflect on our lives we are often in our heads focused on our thoughts, and often forget that we have emotions and feelings?
Comments like, “She’s so in her head,” to describe a person who is often thinking about things or “They’re so rational” or “He’s so logical.” All phrases that describe somebody who makes decisions based on thought alone, without considering emotions or feelings.
In reality, the thoughts we have are actually triggered by our emotions.
Our thoughts are how we make sense of our emotions and feelings. Let me explain…
All of our emotions begin with a stimulus in the environment that triggers an emotion (consciously or unconsciously).
Say you’re out one day walking and you pass a honeysuckle bush. The smell of honeysuckle reminds you of when you were younger because there was a honeysuckle bush by your elementary school playground.
The smell makes you feel happy. Then you have the thought, “Wow that honeysuckle smells so good. It reminds me of when I was in 2nd grade and played with my good friend Mary at recess.”
This all happens instantaneously, without you even realizing it. Your next thought will determine how you feel next.
If your thought is:
“Wow, I wonder whatever happened to Mary? I sure loved playing with her. But since she lost touch with me, she probably didn’t like playing with me. In fact, most of my friends have lost touch with me, I must not be very likable.” Then you’re going to feel sad and probably confused that you can’t keep friends.
This whole thought process started because you had a thought based on the emotion that came up for you due to the environmental stimulus. This pattern is known as thought work and is based on this sequence of events: environmental trigger (stimulus)—emotion—thought—emotion/feelings.
So what does this mean for you and creating a life you love? You MUST learn to identify and feel your emotions, and become aware of how they influence your thoughts, that then create your feelings. Because our actions are influenced by our feelings.
I’m going to say that again. Our emotions trigger thoughts which then influence our feelings and we take action based on our feelings.
The Brain is a Prankster
Your brain is tricky. It likes to stay comfortable and for things to remain the same.
So, it continues to tell you stories that it has told you throughout your life. Stories that maybe don’t make you feel great, in fact they make you feel miserable.
But that is all they are…stories you have told yourself…and guess what? You have the power to tell yourself a new story.
When you are able to feel an emotion, then identify the thought that’s the result of that emotion and how that thought made you feel-you can do anything! Because really, it IS all in your head.
The average person has 48.6 thoughts per minute. That’s over 70,000 thoughts per day! Yet how many of these thoughts do we actually remember having? And what feelings come from these thoughts? What actions are the results of those thoughts?
How Can I Feel Good All of the Time?
All of us want to feel good, all of the time. Yet, that isn’t reality. Nobody is happy 100% of the time. It’s just not possible with our genetic makeup.
We all experience the same six core emotions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. These basic emotions are hardwired, automatic, universal, fast, and trigger behavior-based on our survival instincts.
When asked which feelings they’d want to feel-most people say happy. In fact, many people have learned to dull their feelings or ignore them, because they want to feel happy and believe that feeling any of the other feelings such as, sadness, anger or fear is bad.
The result is after a lifetime of not tuning into your feelings, it can be difficult to truly start feeling your emotions. You may even fear that once you start feeling your negative emotions, you won’t be able to stop feeling them.
However, the only way to fully experience life, is to feel your emotions-every single one of them and the feelings that accompany them. To sit with them, feel them, honor them, and let them pass.
A feeling is just a physical sensation in your body-nothing more. While sometimes the feeling will seem more powerful than other times, it is still just a sensation and sitting with that sensation will not harm you in any way. In fact, it will give you more insight into what you want for your life and help you take action to begin moving in that direction.
So what IS a Feeling?
A feeling is something that can be named in one word or is a physical description of a feeling.
- I feel happy when I see my kids happy.
- I feel my body tense up and my throat get dry when I get on an airplane.
Feelings are not:
- I feel like if my partner loved me, he’d bring me flowers more often.
- I feel like my sister is controlling when she tells me how she’d handle a situation that I find challenging.
Sentences that start with “I feel like” are not feelings at all. Just interpretations of our feelings. And those we can change…
But first, you must learn how to process your feelings and emotions.
1st: Take a few deep breaths (You can print out the infographic for a reference).
2nd: Bring awareness to your body and physical sensations.
3rd: Take note of where in your body you’re feeling those physical sensations.
4th: Describe the sensation in physical terms (cold, hot, heavy, light, itchy) and where they are located (face, legs, throat, skin, eyes, head, feet)
5th: Describe the physical sensation to yourself using these words (cold/feet, heavy/legs, itchy/eyes). Continue describing these emotions until they pass.
That’s it, it’s that simple. Give it a try and you will be truly surprised how you can work through your emotions and feelings and stop letting them control your life!
Keep practicing this and you are well on your way to feeling good, confident, and in control of ANY situation!
Work with Me
If you would like additional support on how to work through your emotions and practice thought work-now is the perfect opportunity! I’ve just opened up my calendar for new one-on-one coaching clients, but for a short time. I only work with a limited number of clients at a time so that I can fully devote my time and attention to each client and can help you get unstuck, overcome obstacles and create a life you truly love. For more information, you can book a Discovery Call with me by clicking here.
The Best Life Blueprint 6 Week Course
Today’s blog post is from one of the modules in my recently released course-The Best LifeBlueprint: 5 Simple Ways to Create Your Dream Life.
This 6 week course is truly special in that you identify what you truly want in life, then move from there to create a simple and doable plan for how to create that life. Starting your very first day in the course. You can work at your own pace taking as long as you need to complete it.
Another incredible piece this course offers is…you receive regular one on one coaching with me for 6 weeks (as you work on each week’s module). Most self-paced programs like this-you complete on your own, without access directly to the course creator or coach. In this course, I provide you that extra level of support each and every week-so that you continue to make steady progress.
Join Other Women in Community
Finally, there is an exclusive women only Facebook community thatyou can join now and continue with during and after the course. Some of the women in the community are in the course. Others are committed to creating their best lives and surrounding themselves with women committed to doing the same while not taking part in the course.
This is a free community where you have the support of women-just like you- going through life transitions and wanting to create their best lives. It’s a wonderful place to go to for inspiration, advice, and to connect with like minded women. Click on the link if you’re interested in The Women’s Inner Circle.
For more information on the 6 week self paced courseThe Best Life Blueprint: 5 Simple Ways to Create Your Dream Life click here to schedule a consultation call with me. During the call, you will create yourBest Life Blueprint I can answer any questions you have about the course. If you decide it’s not the right time for you to take the course, you will still have you Best Life Blueprint that you can take and start using immediately to make changes in your life.