Perfectionism:The BIG Pink Elephant in The Room

I have a big confession to make, in my heart-I am a true perfectionist.

Because of my perfectionism-I hold myself, my work, relationships, and anything I DO to incredibly high standards. Unachievable standards.

I don’t hold others to these standards because I know that it would be unfair to put my expectations onto them. Yet, I have no problem holding myself to my incredibly high standards.

My expectations are based on debilitating standards that often overwhelm me. So much so, that often in my life I haven’t started things, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to complete them-while meeting my high standards.

At times, even when I pushed through my feelings of perfectionism…I would stop 1/2 way through-because I’d become exhausted by the amount of effort needed to finish.

So where do these impossibly high standards come from?

They stem from my experiences in life and the knowledge of how I can meet these standards in my life. I know I can perform at high levels, but not every moment of every day.

I seem to forget that last but very important part. I can meet my high standards, but not every moment of every day.

We have all days where we had to put in extra hours and effort to get things done. A day where you spend the morning organizing the house for guests that are coming over on the weekend; complete a difficult work project that takes all of your time and energy; make dinner for the family; and in the evening help your child complete an intensive school project! Then if you still have energy, try to take a 1/2 hour to exercise, unwind or relax. We can and will do these things, because we KNOW we can!

Yet, the energy it takes to do these things is comparable to the final sprint in a race. You can do it for a short period of time.

Yet, you can’t do it all. Every hour of every day. Every single day.

In order to get these things done, you have to multitask. It’s just simply too much to do in one day!

Multitasking and trying to do many things at one time is actually counter productive. Rather, when you fully concentrate on one thing at a time: you do a better job, enjoy it more, and get it done in less time.

The perfectionist in me loves this idea!

Having a few goals, breaking them down into different parts of the day (using time blocking), and then focusing just on those until I have gotten them done has helped me with organizing my time and challenged some of my perfectionism.

For example my day always includes the goals of:

  1. Self Care
  2. Family
  3. Health
  4. Productivity/Communication
  5. Work
  6. Community

Today’s Goal Schedule is Below:

  • Self Care: Morning Routine (journaling, meditating, affirmations, inspiration)
  • Productivity:Check email (2x a day-morning/afternoon for no more than a 1/2 hour each time)
  • Health/Community: Daily Walk (with friend)
  • Work: Project 1-Blog
  • Work: Project 2-Content for Module in Course
  • Family: Dinner & Favorite Show Night

These goals include all of the most important aspects of my life and I know that these are the only things I am going to focus on for today.

In planning my time each week, using my Weekly Schedule-I make sure I always include goals around self care, work, and family. I am able to combine goals as I did above in walking with a friend. And if there is a goal I didn’t make one day, I simply remember to make sure it is on my schedule for the next day.

Having a plan like this and focusing on just a few goals day by day really helps calm some of my perfectionistic tendencies.

When the perfection police appear in my mind, I can go back to my planning calendar to see what I have done which helps me focus on progress, not perfection.

If you haven’t used a planner before because you don’t like to have things too structured or it feels too restrictive and like a loss of freedom. I urge you to try it out for 21 days. You’ll find that using a planner and having a daily system-gives you more freedom in your day.

Done is Better Than Perfect

The other thing that helps me really challenge my perfectionistic tendencies, is Massive Imperfect Action.

This mantra has become one of my favorite things in the whole world! It has created huge change in my life and helped me challenge and overcome my perfectionism.

The idea behind Massive Imperfect Action is that you’re never going to feel fully ready to do anything that is challenging in your life.

Waiting to feel motivated or until you feel ready to do something that is challenging or scares you, is a way to keep yourself from showing up, putting yourself fully out there, and having a go at it.

Rather than putting it off-you need to jump in and take Massive IMPERFECT Action.

Taking action is the important thing.

So dream, and create those massive goals. The ones where you challenge yourself and grow. Where you remember that the art of learning and growing includes imperfection.

What are those Massive goals that are going to make you happy and feel fulfilled?

Do it now! Whether it’s:

  • Returning to school
  • Applying for that promotion you’re not quite ready for
  • Reconnecting with a family member you haven’t talked to in a while
  • Starting your family, even if you don’t feel 100% ready
  • Having a difficult conversation with a friend

*You will never feel fully ready to do these things. So make that massive goal now.

Then start taking the steps to make your dream a reality.

Done is better than perfect.

Using your planner:

Set a date/time by when you want to achieve your goal and go for it.

Also, it helps if you create accountability for yourself with the goal, such as other people depending on you to complete it.

If other people aren’t depending on you to meet this goal, an accountability partner like a good friend or coach can help.

We often prioritize our promises to others over our promises to ourselves which is why it’s essential that you are held accountable for this goal and making progress in it in some way.

Examples of massive imperfect action that I have taken over the years, that have helped me create my best life are:

  • Applying for a doctoral program
  • Having two children while in my doctoral program
  • Becoming a professor in higher education
  • Marrying my best friend and life partner during COVID-shifting our well planned wedding to a wedding at home within a month
  • Creating a coaching business dedicated to helping women create their best lives

All of these goals scared me and I definitely didn’t feel ready for them. But, I took Massive Imperfect Action and they have turned out to be the best decisions of my life!

So kick your perfectionism to the curb and think about what you would do if you couldn’t fail. And then do it. Today.

Hello lovely lady!

If you are looking at ways to overcome perfectionism and create a life you love, I have just the thing for you!

I have created and recently released a wonderful course called The Best Life Blueprint: 5 Simple Ways to Create Your Dream Life.

This is a 6 week self paced course that is focused on you creating your best life. The weeks of the course are broken down

by topic:

Week 1-Reconnecting with Your True Self

Week 2-Self Care

Week 3-Mindset

Week 4-Thought Work

Week 5-Relationships

Week 6-Putting it All Into Practice

This 6 week course is truly special in that you identify what you truly want in life, then move from there to create a simple and doable plan for how to create that life. Starting your very first day in the course. You can work at your own pace through the course, taking as long as you need to, in creating your best life.

Another incredible piece this course offers is…you receive regular one on one coaching with me for 6 weeks (as you work on each week’s module). Most self paced programs like this-you complete on your own, without access directly to the course creator or coach. In this course, I provide you that extra level of support each and every week-so that you continue to make steady progress.

Finally, there is an exclusive women only Facebook community that you can join now and continue with during and after the course. Some of the women in the community are in the course. Others are committed to creating their best lives and surrounding themselves with women committed to doing the same.

This is a free community where you have the support of women-just like you- going through life transitions and wanting to create their best lives. It’s a wonderful place to go to for inspiration, advice, and to connect with like minded women. Click on the link if you’re interested in The Women’s Inner Circle.

For more information on the 6 week self paced course The Best Life Blueprint: 5 Simple Ways to Create Your Dream Life click here to schedule a consultation call with me. During the call, you will create your Best Life Blueprint I can answer any questions you have about the course. If you decide it’s not the right time for you to take the course, you will still have you Best Life Blueprint that you can take and start using immediately to make changes in your life.

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